Soup as a Love Language

Jaime Miller
2 min readNov 13, 2020

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I saw something the other day that asked how you know you truly love someone. I wondered. I went back and forth between a few different indicators. And here’s what I’ve settled on: you know you truly love someone when you know their favorite kind of soup.

I know it sounds dumb. Who cares about soup? (Side note: I care about soup. I love soup.)

Maybe it depends on whether the person offered this information voluntarily, or whether you asked. But, I imagine there are only two scenarios in which you learn about someone’s favorite kind of soup.

The first scenario is that this person is sick. Common cold, flu, whatever. Everyone knows the best remedy for a stuffy nose and a sore throat is soup. And you love this person, and you want to take care of them, and they love you enough to let you see them in the midst of one of their most unflattering states. So, you ask, “what’s your favorite kind of soup?” Hopefully, they don’t say, “chicken noodle soup,” because that’s highly overrated. But you pick up their favorite soup, and you remember what kind it is, because you love them.

The second scenario is almost unbearably simple: you ask them what their favorite kind of soup is, and you remember. If you don’t love someone, you don’t care about those little intricate details that make them who they are. You don’t care about the way they make their coffee in the morning, their go-to order from McDonald’s at 1 A.M., or their favorite kind of soup. Loving someone means always wanting to know more about them, including the most basic, insignificant parts, like soup.

My roommate doesn’t have a favorite kind of soup, but she knows that my favorite is Italian wedding soup because I got it at a random café in Mount Angel two years ago. My best friend loves chicken gnocchi soup and potato soup. My mom’s favorite is either chicken tortilla soup or broccoli cheddar — it depends on the year. The boy I was in love with two years ago? Taco soup. He doesn’t know mine. The boy I was infatuated with this summer? I don’t know his.

Of course, there are many signs that you love someone. You answer them before you answer anyone else. You smile whenever they come up in conversation. But I truly think that one of the best signs of love and intimacy is knowing your person’s favorite kind of soup.

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Jaime Miller

enneagram 8w7 / always picking fights or picking flowers