Not for Everyone

I spent a lot of time in high school trying to quiet down and tame the part of me that was always exploding with intensity, passion, and energy. Sometimes that part of me refused to be tamed. When that happened, some people laughed, but many others rolled their eyes. Too much intensity is annoying, I learned. So I quieted down, and suppressed that energy whenever it riled itself up.

Fast forward a few years, and here I am in college.

And I am un-learning how to stifle myself.

People still roll their eyes when I get excited or passionate about seemingly insignificant things, but now I have found people who don’t try to restrain my energy — they match it. They laugh, they yell with me, they look at me and smile and tell me they love me.

My mom told me that I would figure out who I was at college. My sister told me that I would find my people here.

I’m still working on that first part, but my sister’s statement holds more truth than I ever could have imagined. I have found so many people here that I love deeply, fiercely, irrevocably. When I apologize for getting too excited, these people say, “no, I think it’s wonderful.”

What a beautiful thing it is to be seen. What a beautiful thing it is to be loved.

Of course, there are still people who find my personality and general excess of energy annoying. But I am learning not to care.

I am learning that I am not for everyone; I am learning to rejoice in that.